Confessions of a large thin-person

Posted April 13, 2010 by Jen in Tags: , ,

I’m going to start by saying… I am not a fat person. I know this about myself. I’ve never been obese or large. I was 25 pounds over-weight at one point, and that was after giving birth to my children.

I’ve never had problems losing weight. Sure, I would have to work at it. Weight Watchers was my method of choice. I have also always been fairly active… gym or running throughout most of my adult life. If I put my mind to it and committed to the weight-loss process, I always lost the weight within a few months. And I was always one of those people that could eat more than my allotted WW points and still lose weight. Good metabolism, I guess.

I tell you all this NOT to throw it in your face, but to give you an idea of what’s going on in my head now. I’m 39-years old now. I am the mother of two young kids. I have gone back to work part-time. I am 10-15 pounds over-weight. I have been for about a year now. Over a year ago I went through one of my “down cycles” where I start skipping the gym and workouts – when I start eating more than a few extra servings or desserts – when I drink a glass (or two) or wine more than once a week! I slowly put on weight and got up above that “danger weight.” You know the one – that magic number on the scale that you PROMISED yourself you wouldn’t go above… I’ve been at or above that number for almost a year. WHY? Why didn’t I rally and motivate to lose those extra pounds? I don’t know… laziness… being compliant was just easier. Sure, I only fit into 50% of my wardrobe, but I just ignore the clothes I can’t wear!

As you know I started back at Weight Watchers and joined in the #twitloss movement. It’s been a great support system and for the most part, I’ve stuck with it. I lost 5 of the 12-15 pounds I want to lose. Then I hit the wall. I was doing what I always did in the past, but the weight didn’t drop. For 2 weeks I’ve been at the same weight. Over the weekend I came to the realization that the person I described at the beginning of my post just doesn’t exist any longer. I can’t eat more and still lose weight. No longer can I have a “day of freedom” and still survive this journey. I am going to have to really and truly work for the weight loss. That realization really upset me. So I let go and ate whatever I wanted. I had the extra glasses of wine. I ate an entire bag of chocolate Easter egg candies last night.


So now I have to figure out how to get over this hump. This self-destructive behavior. This woe-is-me attitude. I need to work harder to get what I want.

OR I need to change my expectations of myself and my body. I’m not sure I want to do that… I want to be realistic within my lifestyle. But I don’t want to be compliant just for the sake of laziness.

So my Tweeps and blogging friends… How do I get through this? Have you hit a wall – not just in weight loss, but in any aspect of your life – when what you’ve always done in the past just won’t work any longer? I don’t want to feel sorry for myself… I want to take action. Where do I go now?

Thanks for listening!!

9 responses to “Confessions of a large thin-person

  1. I used to be an avid workout-alcoholic and restricted myself during the week days, since I bought my house and moved (3 blocks away) I’ve haven’t been consistent with my work outs. Hence why I’ve gained about 10 lbs. It’s so hard to always yo-yo or have to watch what you eat. But for me at least, I have to.

    I’ve stopped thinking in terms of “loosing weight” and more with eating and being healthy. I find my attitude changes in a positive way vs negative and I’m less hard on myself.

    Good luck!

  2. Yes I have hit the wall before, I lost 3st at WW (40lbs) my gramps died… I hit the wall and slowly it all crept back on. I am now back there are trying again. My theory is I have done it before I can do it again. But one thing I did learn was not to beat myself up about it, I did for a while, but all it did was stop me from going back, I finally had to accept I had done it and move on… it was the best thing I could do.

    I know it is really hard when you are hovering over those last few pounds, but when you ‘diet’ long term your body gets used to it, so, as you know you have to change it up. You never know, your Hershey eggs may have just shocked your body into motivation… happened to a friend of mine, she was advised to go off her diet for a day, then go back on (this was a one off) it worked, her body panicked and worked to get rid of those last few pounds! Might work for you.

    I hope it works out for you and remember…. you are not alone!


  3. Thanks for the support KC and Minx! It’s tough when you KNOW what you have to do and just don’t do it!

    Minx: You are back at WW now? Let’s help each other out!!

    Going to eat a sensible lunch right now!

  4. There are always setbacks whenever someone is trying to do something important. Just stick to what you need to do and you’ll be fine.

  5. As someone who has been overweight practically my whole life, it has to be a lifestyle choice – and it’s alot more expensive to eat healthy and takes a lot more time and planning. They say the last 10lbs is the hardest to lose, so just stay positive and keep working out and you’ll get there and you’ve got the support of your tweeps and #twitloss. I’ve got along way to go and have just decided that this time it’s one day at a time.

  6. Well hun, this blog post is the first step. You realize that you can’t eat like you used to & still drop the weight. Damn metabolism changed on you (changed on me too… grrr) and now it’s gonna be harder. That truly sucks, but when you do finally reach that goal weight, it’ll be that much more worth it & you’ll get to do that much more of a victory dance.

    I still have times when I “cheat” on my diet, but I have to make sure I don’t do it more than once a week. You’ve got to do the same. And rather than doing the same things you always did in the gym, change it up. Your body gets used to the routine & stops dropping the weight. You’ve got to step up your level of activity or the level of difficulty. Jose has me lifting weights on machines I’m not used to and I curse him the entire time I do it, but when I stepped on that scale yesterday and I was 193 (their scale is 3 pounds off from mine, which reads 190 even), I thanked him for pushing me harder.

    Do you have a gym buddy? Someone who will go with you and keep pushing you to go further/do more/work harder? That’s the primary reason I have a personal trainer… so that I have someone who MAKES ME keep going.

    *HUGS* You can do this!!

  7. {{HUGS}} Easter was evil, evil, evil!! I gained some weigh back that I lost and lost it again. I am having a hard time staying on tract again. I think the candy put that bad food addict momentum has started to inch back. I can feel it and it is gnawing at me. I feel your pain, I really do. If you want to partner up and work together I am all for it. We can keep each other accountable! We can do it!!

  8. Thanks everyone! I am just so bummed that I’m not the person I was only 2 years ago. The one that could lose weight a lot more easily. I am going to have to make some major changes in my life style to get to the weight I want to be at (or so it seems). But I’m not ready to give up. I love the support you all are giving. THANK YOU! Partnering beyond #twitloss would be great… Daily check ins, etc. I did pretty well today… Only went 3 points over my daily amount. I can do this!!