I’m going to start by saying… I am not a fat person. I know this about myself. I’ve never been obese or large. I was 25 pounds over-weight at one point, and that was after giving birth to my children.
I’ve never had problems losing weight. Sure, I would have to work at it. Weight Watchers was my method of choice. I have also always been fairly active… gym or running throughout most of my adult life. If I put my mind to it and committed to the weight-loss process, I always lost the weight within a few months. And I was always one of those people that could eat more than my allotted WW points and still lose weight. Good metabolism, I guess.
I tell you all this NOT to throw it in your face, but to give you an idea of what’s going on in my head now. I’m 39-years old now. I am the mother of two young kids. I have gone back to work part-time. I am 10-15 pounds over-weight. I have been for about a year now. Over a year ago I went through one of my “down cycles” where I start skipping the gym and workouts – when I start eating more than a few extra servings or desserts – when I drink a glass (or two) or wine more than once a week! I slowly put on weight and got up above that “danger weight.” You know the one – that magic number on the scale that you PROMISED yourself you wouldn’t go above… I’ve been at or above that number for almost a year. WHY? Why didn’t I rally and motivate to lose those extra pounds? I don’t know… laziness… being compliant was just easier. Sure, I only fit into 50% of my wardrobe, but I just ignore the clothes I can’t wear!
As you know I started back at Weight Watchers and joined in the #twitloss movement. It’s been a great support system and for the most part, I’ve stuck with it. I lost 5 of the 12-15 pounds I want to lose. Then I hit the wall. I was doing what I always did in the past, but the weight didn’t drop. For 2 weeks I’ve been at the same weight. Over the weekend I came to the realization that the person I described at the beginning of my post just doesn’t exist any longer. I can’t eat more and still lose weight. No longer can I have a “day of freedom” and still survive this journey. I am going to have to really and truly work for the weight loss. That realization really upset me. So I let go and ate whatever I wanted. I had the extra glasses of wine. I ate an entire bag of chocolate Easter egg candies last night.
So now I have to figure out how to get over this hump. This self-destructive behavior. This woe-is-me attitude. I need to work harder to get what I want.
OR I need to change my expectations of myself and my body. I’m not sure I want to do that… I want to be realistic within my lifestyle. But I don’t want to be compliant just for the sake of laziness.
So my Tweeps and blogging friends… How do I get through this? Have you hit a wall – not just in weight loss, but in any aspect of your life – when what you’ve always done in the past just won’t work any longer? I don’t want to feel sorry for myself… I want to take action. Where do I go now?
Thanks for listening!!